Over drinks last night, my Swedish friend Roger offered more of an explanation of lagom. To him, it also means just right for you. For now. “It’s almost philosophical,” he added.
“It’s also interesting. Everyone knows that Östermalm, Djurgården and Lidingö are where all the wealthy people live (in Stockholm). But, you’re not supposed to be too rich. For instance, a big diamond ring with a lot of bling would not be lagom at all.”
A good aspect of lagom, he continued, is that “famous people feel normal here. Tiger Woods can go the pub or the mall and people won’t bother him for an autograph.
Finally, Roger added that “Sweden is a lagom country. It’s in between Russian communism and US capitalism.”
And on the subject of pushy Swedes, Roger also agreed with me. (Maybe his answer was swayed by the glasses of wine I served him?) Anyway, his take is that Stockholmers and Parisians are very very alike in this context…
Thanks Roger. You’re a big help. As always.
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I find this concept of “lagom” interesting, and I am glad that it is at the heart of your book!
As I read Roger’s comments, I agree with him that lagom is very philosophical. Aristotle called it the “golden mean” or the midpoint between excess and deficiency. According to his Nichomachaen Ethics, virtue is defined by moderation and the “right” response (and yes, defining what is “right” is another discussion in and of itself). As I read over the various comments people have had about lagom, I also began to sense the age-old tensions between what is Apollonian (rational/order/individual) and Dionysian (emotional/primal/the group). We have always been struggling with these oppositions and questions, and I imagine we always will, as we need a combination of the two.
Now on a personal note, some of this perspective – seeing all humans as equals (even though there are fascinating and valuable differences across gender, race, and culture) and being humble about one’s life – most likely resonates in my own life due to my Northern European/Midwestern heritage, but I also think it derives from Christian humility, which is intertwined within that. As you know, I am not religious, but in the West, Christian ideas are inevitably a strong cultural force. My Baptist grandparents and mother taught me to have a humble and compassionate nature, and that we are all connected and should help one another. My father taught me these values too, but from a more humanist perspective. Yet, even in Tibetan Buddhism, an Eastern philosophy with which I connect, you work to understand moderate living, detachment, and the temporary nature of life. You strive to act in this world with compassion to all sentient beings – we are all interconnected through life. All of these ideas ask you to be conscious and aware of how you approach your life – to be awake. That all feels very lagom, no? I guess, ultimately, your book’s title is very fitting, Sandy. We are all, in many different ways, and from different vantage points, Finding Lagom…
I wish you the best with your journey with this rich and complex word, and book. I look forward to reading your blog, as I can!
P.S. When I left baggage claim at LaGuardia Airport in NYC to get in the cab line, a woman proceeded to cut me off with her luggage and push her way into the line in front of me. The couple next to me and I looked at each other and smiled. In my head I said, “Welcome home!” I think “pushiness” is in many ways part of urban life. My brother-in-law once asked me to slow down as I rushed to baggage claim in the rather empty and small Toledo Airport.
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