“Lagom is driving me crazy.” When a Norwegian American woman said this last night, the entire group of 20 laughed. I was at an event for the American Women’s Club welcoming newcomers to Sweden. Introductions were being made and everyone was sharing where she was from, how long she had lived in Sweden and how she was doing in her new homeland.
We all laughed, because we all got it. Even if you’ve only lived in Sweden for a few weeks, it’s likely that you’ve run into lagom. Pronounced LAW-gohm, the word has no exact equivalent in English, but is typically defined as “everything in moderation.” Basically, everyone has enough and no one goes without. It’s a cultural philosophy and a code of behavior all at once. At heart, the word connotes restraint. There is an appropriate balance for all things.
For immigrants to Sweden, lagom effects them in all sorts of everyday ways: there are not as many brands at the grocery store, there are only two or three selections to choose from on a dagens or daily lunch menu, portion sizes in restaurants are smaller. In the office, it means decisions are made not by individuals but as a group and that a Swedish employee wil leave at 5 because their work is done for the day even if there is a big deadline to meet.
Most Americans are hardwired to NOT be lagom. We strive to stand out, to be the best, to make our mark. On my first day on the job in Sweden, a Swedish coworker asked, “Why are all Americans so loud? They hurt my ears.” She then quickly followed up with, “You’re not like other Americans!”
When you move to a new country, you tend to spend a lot of time learning the new language in an effort to fit in. But fitting into a society also requires understanding the cultural rules of a society and how to behave. You have to know that when you visit a Swedish home, you are expected to take off your outside shoes at the door. If you don’t, you can be thought of as rude.
As for me in Sweden, I’ve had a long love/hate relationship with lagom. I like the concept of lagom in some ways, but it also gets on my nerves. Over the years, I’ve written about it many, many times before on this blog, exploring it from how others define lagom, how Swedes define it and jantelagen and also from how I am not so lagom.
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I TRY to be lagom-ier but I just can’t manage it. I’m all about More! Better! Unique!
Antropologa, I try to be as well. But it’s just hard to lose our American DNA! I think I have softened a bit on some of those things, though.
lagom is crazy. people are individuals and were made to stand out and be individuals.
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