“Lagom is driving me crazy.” When a Norwegian American woman said this last night, the entire group of 20  laughed. I was at an event for the American Women’s Club welcoming newcomers to Sweden. Introductions were being made and everyone was sharing where she was from, how long she had lived in Sweden and how she was doing in her new homeland.

We all laughed, because we all got it. Even if you’ve only lived in Sweden for a few weeks, it’s likely that you’ve run into lagom. Pronounced LAW-gohm, the word has no exact equivalent in English, but is typically defined as “everything in moderation.”  Basically, everyone has enough and no one goes without. It’s a cultural philosophy and a code of behavior all at once. At heart, the word connotes restraint. There is an appropriate balance for all things.

For immigrants to Sweden, lagom effects them in all sorts of everyday ways: there are not as many brands at the grocery store, there are only two or three selections to choose from on a dagens or daily lunch menu, portion sizes in restaurants are smaller. In the office, it means decisions are made not by individuals but as a group and that a Swedish employee wil leave at 5 because their work is done for the day even if there is a big deadline to meet.

Most Americans are hardwired to NOT be lagom. We strive to stand out, to be the best, to make our mark. On my first day on the job in Sweden, a Swedish coworker asked, “Why are all Americans so loud? They hurt my ears.” She then quickly followed up with, “You’re not like other Americans!”

When you move to a new country, you tend to spend a lot of time learning the new language in an effort to fit in. But fitting into a society also requires understanding the cultural rules of a society and how to behave.  You have to know that when you visit a Swedish home, you are expected to take off your outside shoes at the door. If you don’t, you can be thought of as rude.

As for me in Sweden, I’ve had a long love/hate relationship with lagom. I like the concept of lagom in some ways, but it also gets on my nerves. Over the years, I’ve written about it many, many times before on this blog, exploring it from how others define lagom,  how Swedes define it and  jantelagen and  also from how I am not so lagom.

I made pancakes for breakfast this morning. As I created the mix from scratch, following the classic Betty Crocker cookbook recipe, I couldn’t help but be reminded of home. As in the US. Pancakes were so much a part  of my childhood breakfast memories. But they weren’t for everyday breakfast. Rather, pancakes were what my brothers and I ate on the weekends or for holidays like Christmas. Cereal was what we typically had during the week. (And for years, the cereal I ate was either Cheerios or Captain Crunch.)

By the way, American-style pancakes have baking powder in them and are thus fat and fluffy. I always ate them with butter and maple syrup. In contrast, Swedish pancakes or pannkakor are thin and more like what I would call a crepe. And they are very much a part of tradition too – on Thursdays, Swedes like to have pea soup with pancakes and lingonberry jam for lunch. As I am not much of a pea soup fan, this is not a tradition that I have embraced!

The front of NK.

Every year, the department store NK decks out their windows with creative visions of Christmas. It’s a big tradition and Stockholmers young, old and in between line up in front of the store to see each display window. I always look forward to seeing what’s there. This year, there is a clever Santa’s workshop theme and the Santa getting dressed display in particular made me laugh with the collection of neoprene suits – one with high heel boots –  in the wardrobe. Who knew that Santa could be so feisty?

Inside NK, the Christmas tree.

The crowds in front of the windows.

Santa and his wardrobe dilemma of what suit to wear. I love the slippers!

Santa must be like an octopus and have many arms so that he can get everything done before Christmas.

The holiday sweet table.

The super-size tree along Skeppsbron on Gamla Stan. And that's a boat behind the tree, by the way.

On snowy/rainy Sunday, we also stopped to see the Gamla Stan julgran or Christmas tree. It’s a big one – I made Robert pose in front of it to show just how huge it is. The big circles to the left of the tree are the fat snowflakes that landed on my camera lens. And the shot below is of Väasterlånggatan, the main shopping street in the old town. I love the very simple holiday lights.

Västerlånggatan– long west street – on Gamla Stan.

The waffle booth.

We had to try a waffle topped with blueberries.

The julmarknad.

On Sunday, we walked to the Gamla Stan market. In terms of the markets in central Stockholm, I like this one best as it feels like you’ve stepped back in time. It’s perfectly located on the square Stortorget  in the center of the old town and is surrounded by buildings that date back to the 16th century – Stockholm itself was founded here in 1252.

The red wooden booths at the julmarknad or hoiday market have vendors selling waffles, sausages, glögg (hot mulled wine), candies, hot dogs, fuzzy sheepskin slippers, ornaments and more. The market tends to get crowded, but I think that just adds to the fun.

Glögg being served from a take-away window at one of the nearby cafes.

Holiday rolls and breads.

Ornaments.

Cured meats and sausages, including reindeer.

Polkagrisar or candy canes.

Getting ready for the first round of eating. That's baby Adam in the front.

Doing the small frog dance around the may pole. Notice the "no ears" hand gestures.

Showing off the midsommar wreaths. Single girls are supposed to pick seven different flowers and put them under their pillow to dream of their future man!

Oh my, what a perfect day. Yesterday was midsommarafton or midsummer eve and it was a holiday, one of the very biggest in Sweden and it celebrates the arrival of summer and long light. We did it up Swedish style and went to Nici and Roger’s where we spent the entire day outside on their newly built jetty. The day before and today are both rainy and gray, but yesterday was sunny and perfect.

Swedish herring and German beer.

Swedish cheese and snaps.

We started the day at 2 with champagne, then moved on to Swedish sill or herring, Västerbotten cheese, hard bread, and new potatoes with dill and cream. This was accompanied with German beer, Swedish and Norwegian snaps (vodka) and lots of drinking songs. That combination of food and drink left us ready to go so we crashed the next-door neighbor’s party. They’d created a small May pole of flowers and began doing the traditional dancing and singing around it and we felt compelled to join in. The neighbors were good sports about it and insisted we do several dances with them. Everyone’s favorite was Små grodorna or the little frogs and we did that dance – complete with movements demonstrating that small frogs have no ears and no tails – twice.

Roger and the may pole.

After a break, we then had a BBQ dinner of hamburgers and English sausages, followed by pavlova, a traditional Australian summer dessert that Robert made for us. As our group included Norwegians, Americans, Swedes and a German and Australian, it seemed appropriate to combine food and drinks from around the globe. We kept going until midnight and we all agreed we’d had the best midsommar ever. But let’s just say that we’re all moving slow today…

Pavlova is a meringue, cream, strawberries, bananas and passionfruit dream of a dessert.

Skål!

Loving the sun. As the day wore on, the weather got cooler. But we stayed outside.

Princess Madeleine on the left and Prince Daniel on the right.

Today was Swedish National Day. It’s a public holiday here in Sweden, but it’s one of those that when you ask people about it, no one can give you much of an explanation for it. It’s not an independence day as Sweden has not had to fight that war. Instead, it’s more of a celebrate Sweden day. It’s only been a public holiday that you get off work since 2005. Before that, it was flag day.

As Robert and I were having a drink on Strandvägen by the water, we got to see the royal family go by on their way to the flag raising celebrations at Skansen. We didn’t even know that the parade was coming, so it was a fun surprise. Queen Silvia and Princesses Victoria and Madeleine were all in traditional Swedish folk dresses, while the guys were in suits. As they passed by waving, I couldn’t help but wonder if they wished they could just dress in their normal clothes as well.

All the King's horses and King Carl Gustaf and Queen Silvia in the carriage.

Drummers drumming.

Traditional Swedish costumes.

Graduates from Stockholm International School.

I think I would have liked to graduate from high school in Stockholm. For one thing, the accessories are fun. First, you have to have the hat: a white sailor’s cap embroidered with the student’s name and school. Then on graduation day, students run out of school and are greeted by their families who are waiting with signs featuring baby photos and also given ribbons, flowers and trinkets to wear. Then all the students load up into a truck to drive around town and celebrate. Music is cranked up, everyone dances, champagne is corked and everyone has a good time.

On Monday, I went to see the utspring for Sean, my friends Judy and Olle’s son. As we waved goodbye on the bus, Sean was definitely ready for a good time.

The party truck.

The grad and his family. Notice the hat, the sign and the trinkets around the neck.

Outside the sauna house.

Before the meetings started on Thursday, I got up early and walked to the sauna. On the way there, a deer was ahead of me on the forest path. We both stopped and looked at each other. Then I relaxed in the sauna with Alissa, a writer from Paris. The sun was sparkling across the lake and it was such a perfect way to start the day. Using the sauna is Swedish another tradition that I’ve been happy to adopt. But I have to confess that neither of us was brave enough to jump into the chilly lake afterwards, instead settling for a cool shower instead.

Inside the sauna, called a bastu in Swedish.

The dining area next to the sauna.

And the jetty from the sauna.

An Easter witch visited and wished me a glad påsk or happy easter.

We were just visited by a witch. Today is skärtorsdagen or maundy Thursday, as it is known in English. For most people, it’s a half-day holiday, followed by full days off on Friday and Monday for Easter. (In the US, I got no days off for Easter. So very sorry, my American friends!)

But back to the witch. She was friendly and maybe about 5. Children dress up as Easter witches as part of the Easter tradition here– they wear brightly colored clothes or witches hats, paint their cheeks red – and go from door to door in their neighborhood presenting drawings in the hope that they will get sweets in return. It’s sort of like our American trick or treat, except that kids here give out a gift in hope for a treat.

The Easter drawing we were presented with. I like the purple feather!

Robert and I were just finishing lunch when we heard the doorbell ring. He was surprised by the witch and getting the drawing, so just said thank you. Then I came running with the camera so I could get a photo. And in the excitement, we forgot about giving out the goodies. So our poor little witch no doubt left disappointed. But we quickly got some godis or candy together and presented them to our little neighbor as she passed by on her way out. Very sweet.